Samantha
Look at what you wrote!! He cheated repeatedly, he got violent with you. The marriage was not good before that. That is hardly a good foundation to build a life with someone. He has had three live in girlfriends and couldn’t make that work either. Don’t fall for his line of crap. Walk—RUN away from a second involvement with him.

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Donald 1 month ago

Hi Ms. Samantha,
I could be wrong but did you have a couple of previous post under the name Sammy. If so I was wondering how you are doing? There are a couple of phrase's that are similar to your previous posts that is making me think it is you.
I hope all is well,
HT

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HT 1 month ago

HT
I am most probably the one since my given name is seldom used by anyone but my Mother and almost everyone in my world calls me Sam or Sammy. I did in fact post before my divorce was final.
I am fine—I struggle sometimes but doesn’t everyone? I am on my own and not in any kind of a long term relationship. A few dating type relationships but nothing that is exclusive. He keeps hitting me up and asking me out and we see each other because of weekend custody reasons. I can’t help but ask what if and he is still good looking. Just so many horrible memories.

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Samantha 1 month ago

Hi Samantha,
As a compliment to you it sounds like you have grown and have taken responsibility of your actions and are headed in the right direction.

Obviously you need to do what is best for you and your daughter. I had a female friend that had four children she wasn’t perfect nor was he (no cheating just verbal abuse) I thought the guy had it going on he was attractive and I thought they were a perfect couple. She ended up divorcing him and my first thought was damn how could you do that to your kids, why are you so selfish you should suck it up. She explained it to me, that yes she could have sucked up and continued being in an abusive loveless marriage, but the triggering point was the example that she was setting for her kids if she stayed, she wanted to make sure that they understood that in no way is constant verbally abuse and belittling your spouse acceptable in a relationship. It was more important for her to set a good example so they can have a loving relationship when they get older. It took a lot of courage with four kids to move out and survive, but she did it and is now remarried with a guy that loves her and her children, I think the guy is incredibly to take on this role and I have the utmost respect for him.
You are already there you moved out and are going in the right direction why look back. I am guessing, but I don’t think you are a big gambler, if you are and you decide to go back and make amends and you think you are going to win, well here is my best analogy with the utmost respect your odds are about the same as buying a lottery ticket.

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HT 1 month ago

I don’t have the money or desire to buy lottery tickets and I don’t believe in the easy way out. I am human and I have self doubts just like everyone. I get down on myself occasionally but mostly I think I am a good person. Thanks for being honest with me.

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Samantha 1 month ago

How old are you Samantha?

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Jim 4 weeks ago

Samantha,
I agree, we all have sins and doubts and beat ourselves up, but you get up and brush yourself off. I think you have done that and held your chin up in doing it!

My wife cheated on me, we never argued yelled at each other or fought and there wasn’t any physically abuse. A guy from work was pursuing her and saying all of the right things, she was flattered and nature took its course.
Even when I caught her with sexy lingerie in her overnight bag that she only wore when she was in the mood to have sex, I never yelled at her, even though she tried to deny that she was cheating. I was crushed, I told her I know you are not being truthful, I preferred that she just be honest with me, again she denied anything happened. I told her okay and started packing a bag she begged me to stay, I told her that unless she is honest with me you win I am out I give up, she new I was serious and confessed. We tried to make it work but nine months later we divorced, I never looked back or contacted her again, in my mind she was dead to me (even though I had no ill will towards her and wished her well)

I know with a child you will have to have communications with him but you deserve better don’t settle because it is the easy route. You will find someone that will be the center of your world, and will love you the way you should be loved!
You can call me an optimist or other four letter words if you wish:-) but if I was a betting man I would put my money on you that you will find someone other than your x that will make you happy!

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HT 4 weeks ago

HT
I am sorry for your past experiences and heartbreak. I am really trying to be a better person and look towards the future and forget my past. I have moments that I question my resolve and my future. I am determined to be a good mother and make a difference. Every once in awhile at night when it is quiet in the house and I am alone with my thoughts I let these thoughts and feelings surface. I know in my heart what I must do——it just isn’t easy sometimes. I pray for strength and courage and ask for help. Thanks for your help.

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Samantha 4 weeks ago

Samantha,
I will be praying for you! Not sure if I helped, but I am honest with you. I am sure it is challenging being a mother while protecting and nurturing your daughter and find the right person to be part of your life, I can assure you time will heal.

When I tried hard to have a relationship and courted women frankly it sucked. When I didn’t care one way or the other I had a lot more opportunities. Be yourself and Let nature take its course? If you are missing the sexual part….buy a toy they work wonders and they don’t give you a headache:-)

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HT 4 weeks ago