I dont want to be a puppet anymore

I'm just seriously sick and tired of being a puppet. Dad won't stop pushing me toward being the stellar, goodie goodie kid that he knows I'm never going to be. My friends won't stop manipulating me into doing what they think might be good for me. People won't just give me some room and let me make a few of my own choices. I don't want to be a stellar student, at least now. I simply don't care to be the damn valedictorian of the class, it's not worth all the effort in my eyes. I'm not going to strain myself to the brink of a mental break down in order to get grades that are more important to my dad than they are to me. Anyways, people can't seem to ever support me in what IS important to me. I'm feeling like I can't truthfully talk to anyone without them becoming just another person telling me what to do. I have a good grip on myself, and who I am, but I'm slowly starting to lose my grip on everything else. I've always had depression and anxiety, but it's starting to get worse and I'm having a hard time handling it. For the past year, I've tried so hard to obey, do what I'm told, listen to authority, but it slowly gets to me, and I always break down and lash out. People who can't listen to authority in this society simply don't succed, and I'm scared of that. I'm starting to sound like a criminal waiting to happen..

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anonymous Home December 01, 2014 at 12:00 am 0 0