i will get what is coming to me

I have my period and I am feeling crazy, psychotic and I am in pain. my body is going from pain, to feeling a tingling unwell electric feeling. I am holding my breath without realizing it at times I am so tense.

I feel like I want to cry but can't. I am angry at the teachers and why I keep losing career dreams. I want to cry buckets full and can't.

I was worried last night I would have a heart attack. I feel like I want to be held but not.. I feel disgusted by affection as well. I feel like I want sex but not, I feel like I want a man to rub my breasts but I feel dirty about that thought. I feel tired and like I am crazy and going to get hurt badly.

I am thinking about going out and just having a one night stand soon. I am really considering it. planning it out. where, how, who types, etc.

I am so afraid people are out to hurt me again. I like these two guys and I am afraid they will just set me up again.

he does not know what he is doing to me. he has such nice hair and I find him very sexually attractive. I have been dreaming about him at night when I close my eyes and its becoming so painful. I see him with me. as if he would care anyway. and the other guy I want him so much and his smile actually scares me now. his smile frightens me, like he is just making fun of me.

why would he treat me like a pretty clever girl? why would a guy like that care about a dog like me?

I always get these old and fat rapes that is all I get. I don't get the cute guys.

I wish someone would hit me and kick me and rape me in the grass and so I had bruises so the world could see I was raped. last time no noticed I was raped at all, just like when I was a child no one noticed. its that crazy I would want to be raped like that so someone would take pity on me and notice I suffered something instead of ignoring the sexual abuse I have suffered.

I am no one. I deserve this abuse.

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anonymous Disgusting July 13, 2013 at 12:00 am 0 0