Im secretly horrible

2 years ago I met my now boyfriend while I was still married. He was my bestfriends brother. I had been married 12 years at the time and have 3 kids. I started a texting affair with him for 7 months then got the guts to ask him to meet up with me. We started having am actual physical affair. 2 weeks after that started I left my husband for him. I've ruined my ex husbands life and my 3 kids life for this man. And I can't imagine life without him. We've been together a year and a half now. He has a daughter. I secretly wish quite often I didn't have my kids and I look foward to when he doesn't have his. I put on a front and pretend I'm just a great women who understands when the kids come first , but really I wish it were just me and him and th kids only some of the time. I want to marry him and spend the rest of my life with him. I'm not really on birth control either. He just thinks I am. I'm clingy but hide it really well. I'm needy and insecure. And I feel like I need him to survive. And it's absolutely ruining my life. Ruining me. I live breath eat daydream about this man. I plan for each moment I can get with him. I put him before everything else in my life. I've lost so much just so I can be with him and risked everything for him. Really crazy. Yet I'm still with him. And writing this I'm seeing how unhealthy it all really is. I fantasize about him proposing to me and us being married. I just want him. All of him. And to meet me you'd never know or even think I'm anything like this. It's exhausting keeping this to myself. How obsessed I am..

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anonymous Crush October 17, 2010 at 12:00 am 0 0