I am always feeling the same way, will he keep throwing up my past shit at me. when I was a child about 8 years old (f) I was grabbed and pushed in the dark under some trees and wood piles and I was sexually attacked. He pushed his hand over my mouth so I couldn't scream and so about a week later or so I was around some kid friends I knew well and slept with so I grabbed his weeny and tried to push it in but couldn't and I rubbed him up and I felt so bad for what I did but I was thinking "so this is how its done hey? it was done to me and I should do it to this boy laying here next to me cuz this is what mommas and daddies do to say I love you" and I was angry and horny and I tried it but it didn't work. I felt bad for ages thinking did I rape him? it was just a rub up and touch up and no insertion and clothes on. but I feel bad for over many decades and everyone blows it out of proportion when I tried talking about it.I tried this with him and my brother and got him to try on condoms as well as a game after seeing mother and father doing this at a party my friends were over and I felt bad but kinky hornry. I am so bad and this is a dirty secret. sorry god. I was trying out what I thought was normal fun things but it left a bitter tastes . god help me.

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I know 5 years ago