Prisoner In Paradise

Picture it: A traumatized little boy in search of his identity; a little boy with a dark secret. Do you see him? That was me. Ever since I was young, I had fantasized about being used by strong men while dressing up in female clothing. Eventually these things would be used in a toxic brew that would at times leave me incapacitated. However, at the age of 13 I had yet to discover my true sexual identity. Up until that point I had predominantly fantasized about girls. What still makes me stop and think is that I never imagined myself fucking them. I would masturbate with their image in mind but it rarely, to this day involves penetration. I had always had major crushes on male cartoon characters and would try to suppress and deny that these infatuations ever existed. Why? Although my parents or rather, my mother supported gay rights and awareness (explaining to us on several occasions that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being gay), the one word that kids would use without fail to describe something of inadequacy or something they found lacking in merit, was \"gay.\" “Your gay, that's gay, he's gay, everything's gay! In my mind I was petrified of the idea that I could be gay yet secretly I identified with the idea in a way I hadnt yet learned to understand. It was something so natural, so real; so intriguing. Obviously I swept it under the carpet and pretended it didnt exist.

A few years had passed when my family had installed our first internet connection and I was mischievously aware that I would have a whole playground of naughty manifestations to slip away to without anyone being the wiser (or so I thought…) In this place, my mind was at play and although in the beginning the photographs of hot young women performing various sexual deeds were naturally enticing and mystifying, what was equally curious were the strong, well hung men in these pictures. It was something that had gone unnoticed at first. However, slowly but surely more and more of my attention became fixated on these marvelous studs and theyre massive, beautiful cocks. My attention was completely commanded by the sheer presence of these things. I pictured myself on the receiving end of them, choking, gagging, and being showered in cum! However, my fantasies would have to be patient, and grow…They burrowed deep within me only to resurface during adolescence.

Fast forward to age 16. Picture an enthusiastic young man, brimming with confidence and creativity. Do you see him? That was me. My long dormant fantasies about hot boys with beautiful cocks were a distant memory. I was in a blossoming relationship with a dangerously sexy girl with chocolate brown hair who to my budding, innocent mind was the coolest thing I had ever seen. I was finally where I had always wanted to be. I had been waiting for this moment all my life. I was finally able to explore a romantic and sexual world I had only dreamt about. This is precisely when I discovered a little thing called marijuana. I am against this drug to this very day for various reasons. At the time however, it seemed like nothing could surpass the pleasure it granted me. I certainly wasnt aware that it was slowly decaying our relationship. Then one day it happened; girl breaks boys heart. I had hit rock bottom at the age of 16.


Over the span of one year I had gone from being the epitome of confidence and youthful exuberance to a timid, soft spoken, frightened, weak little boy, fighting a war inside his own mind; a war which he knew he could not win. Before I even got a chance to smell the roses they were ripped from my hands while the thorns tore my flesh. And thats when I noticed something stirring beneath the surface. Its time had come. My dark little secret began bubbling over the surface and spilling all over my life. My long dormant fantasies of hot young studs with cocks that would emasculate me and my tiny penis were back with a vengeance. I began experiencing a loss of identity. These erotic manifestations had taken complete control over my fragile little teenage mind.

I had been bullied a little while growing up, and as you would expect I was called gay, homo and every variation of the word you could imagine. Not recognizing my actual sexual identity, they couldnt have known how much those words actually hurt me. Situations like these and later on, the collapse of my relationship with my girlfriend, further lent themselves to my feelings of inadequacy. And so it was quite natural that one day I happened to stumble upon something called “Sissy Hypnosis. I was completely engaged. My little penis sprung to life. Sissy hypnosis, as well as many other forms of erotic humiliation combines audio and visual stimuli to induce a state of hypnosis. “Seriously, why are you pretending to be a man when we both know that you never even stood a chance? A real man would never dress up in their mothers panties and eat their own cum!! How pathetic hahaha!! What is that an overgrown clit!?; images of beautiful women taking big black cocks in their asses and then sucking off the juices until they explode in their faces.“Embrace your destiny sissy. I accepted my fate; a sissy whose only purpose was to service REAL MEN, and to accept that I was and always would be inferior to them. That was me.

Now it is 2013. I have been drug free for over three years and counting. I am in a band which is doing quite well for itself for being as young as it is, and Im as confident and strong as ever; my addiction? Yeah, I still battle with my demons every day. Some days are easier than others. But you know what? We all have a choice; a choice not to let our demons control our lives; a choice to make things right. We have a choice to see ourselves for who we really are; and I must say I like what I see.

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anonymous Other April 18, 2013 at 12:00 am 0 0