My Dark Secret

For reference, I am a 57-year-old married mother of six. I married my husband when I was 18 and we are completely in love with each other 39 years later. My husband is a good-looking guy, who is in great shape and could easily pass for 40 and I work out every day and have long blonde hair and am 5'4" and 120 pounds. I still have no trouble getting attention from men half my age.

So, here is my dilemma. MY husband thinks he married a virgin. There are things I never told him and I don't know if I should or not. I don't want to hurt him but I also do not want to live a lie as our life together is entering a new phase with being empty-nesters.

When I was 16, I was horny and loved men. I would make out and flirt but always left before anything happened outside of letting guys get a feel.

One night I was out and met a guy who turned out to be 25. He had a nice trans-am and offered me and my friend drinks and a ride home after a party we snuck out to. He dropped off my friend and then said he had forgotten something and asked if I minded him stopping by his place in Evansville, about an hour from my parents. I was smoking and drinking and told him it was fine since I didn't want to go home yet.

Inside his apartment he lit a bong and then as I sat on the couch in his living room, he went to get what he had forgotten. I was buzzed and turned around to see him standing fully naked with a raging har-on. I was actually a virgin at that time and I blushed and tried to look away but was mesmerized by the sight of an actual penis.

I touched his penis and kissed the tip then let him remove my top and bra. My nipples were so rock-hard, harder than I had ever felt them. I had masturbated many times but this was the first time being with a man. Rodney was so cool and nice about it, he told me it was ok and that I didn't have to do anything I was not comfortable with. I sat topless and we talked and then he asked if I wanted to touch his penis. I did and so I reached out and began to stroke him as his penis filled my grip.

Finally, Rodney asked me to kiss his penis and I ended up with him in my mouth. He asked me if I wanted him to kiss my vagina and I told him yes. He pulled off my tennis shoes and socks and then got my jeans off and my panties. I was scared to death of being caught or getting pregnant but I was too into what was happening to stop him. I ended up naked, on the floor as he sat on the couch and I sucked his penis. I was taken by surprise when Rodney began to cum and held my head tightly and all I could do was swallow to avoid choking. The taste of his cum was different than anything I had ever tasted. Rodney assured me he could not get me pregnant from swallowing his cum.

Next, Rodney stood me up and bent me over like I was being frisked. (A whole other story that I have never told anyone.) I felt his penis press inside me from behind and for a moment it was a shock of sensations. I had already ruptured my hymen riding dirt bikes so I did not bleed but it was still a little painful.

I ended up being fucked by Rodney three times that night with him cumming inside me each time. I loved it and the feelings I experienced. Rodney's roommate also returned at some point and took his turn inside me while I was sucking Rodneys' penis.

Rodney dropped me off at home a few hours later and my dad grounded me for a month from going out. I was scared to death that I would get pregnant but fortunately didn't. I talked to a school counselor and got set up with a doctor and ended up on birth control after that night.

I have not ever told anyone about that night but it still resonates in my head. I want to tell my husband and ask him if we can explore the swinging lifestyle but I don't want to hurt him or our marriage. But, I want to feel that raw emotion I felt that night with Rodney, once again.

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Deborah Relationships June 20, 2021 at 1:43 am 5 1